by Connie Myslik-McFadden
In The Second Bucket List, Celeste has begun seeing a therapist, Sonia, to help her deal with her terminal diagnosis. The following excerpt is taken from one of their early sessions:
Sonia paused and took another sip of her tea. Celeste had left her coffee mug in the car, and now she wished she had brought it in.
“If you’re open to it, I can help you explore your beliefs and attitudes toward life and death. You might come to accept that death is a normal part of life, and paradoxically, that there is actually no such thing as death. Nothing really dies, it just changes form.”
Sonia paused again, and Celeste was aware she was searching her face for a reaction. Celeste took her time, wondering if she wanted to think about death at all. Maybe it would be better to just enjoy life for as long as she could.
But here I am, and I may as well make the most of it.
“What do you mean, no such thing as death?” she finally asked.
“I realize it’s a radical concept. But I’ve come to believe it’s true.”
“I don’t know if it’s possible for me to understand death that way.”
Sonia nodded. “I can explain some concepts and you can choose what and what not to accept. You’re already pretty conscious; you’re not starting from scratch. If you’re willing to record your dreams and keep a journal, you may experience a lot of spiritual growth during this time. All I ask is that you be as honest as you can be, and that you trust the process.”
Celeste nodded again, not wanting to speak her doubts. “I do trust the process,” she said after another quiet moment. “And I like what you said, I like the hopefulness of continuing to evolve even while ALS is getting worse. What I don’t trust is the disease. The only thing that’s certain is that it’s going to kill me. I don’t know how long it will take, what that’s going to be like. I don’t know if I’ll have the time or energy to do what you’re suggesting. The neurologist said my mind will be good right to the end, but my body . . . “
She couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t find the words to explain how betrayed she felt by her body. She yanked a tissue from the box on the side table and wiped her eyes.
“It’s really depressing.”
Sonia nodded. “Of course it is,” she said gently.
“I’d rather listen to you right now than talk. Would that be OK?”
“Sure,” Sonia said. “So . . . one thing to consider is that we are all spiritual beings on a human path. When we are born, we are given all the circumstances we need to learn the lessons we need to learn. We don’t know that as children; it takes years to reach conscious understanding of why we were born into a particular family, why we have the challenges that we have. What our karmic issues are.”
She paused, watching Celeste. “Often we get trapped by our lower self qualities, meaning pride and self will and fear, and unconsciously we create a hellish life here on earth. We turn our backs on our essentially spiritual nature. Ideally, we do everything we can to learn our lessons and align ourselves with the Divine as we understand it. If we do, we can live more creative, fulfilling, and peaceful lives. Most people don’t do it, because it’s hard work.”
Sonia paused again. Celeste was listening intently.
“Each time we incarnate again as physical beings, we have a chance to live more from our higher Self. Our God Self. Each time we die, our souls return to the world of spirit. There we are given the opportunity to review our life with compassionate guides -- angels -- to see where we have made good choices and where we have fallen short. We continue to learn in the world of spirit, and eventually we incarnate again. This cycle is repeated many times until we no longer need to be in physical form.”
“It sounds Buddhist.”
“Many of these ideas are in accord with Buddhism and other religions.”
“Do we have to believe in God for this to happen?”
“No. It’s not really about belief, it’s more about evolving consciousness, resulting in deep knowing.”
Celeste shifted in her chair. A wave of fatigue swept over her.
— Connie Myslik-McFadden has been a Jungian-oriented psychotherapist and writer for many years, and is a member of Pilgrim. Her novel The Second Bucket List is a poignant and uplifting story about the emotional and spiritual journey of a forty-nine year old woman who is diagnosed with ALS.